SMALL THINGS...

... really can keep you on the wagon. Yep, the weight is falling off. A little more every morning I step on the scale. But also, I tightened my belt a notch. My rings are loose. My collarbones are a little more visible. I ran a comfortable 2 miles today for the first time in a long time. I am less tired. And probably a dozen other things I can't think of right now.

These are the things I can think about and see throughout the day when I am tempted by something. I'm really feeling great about this. It feels permanent.

FOOD AND CHILDREN

I have some major fears about passing along my food issues to my daughter. I don't want her to grow up believing that you eat to celebrate, that you eat to medicate or that you eat for entertainment. I truly believe that the most effective way to do this is to model appropriate eating habits for her. Above all else, this is the reason I want to change my lifestyle. And I think I am doing a good job thus far.

She is not forced to "clean her plate". Food is not used as a reward. Meals are laidback, but taken as a family. We offer her a variety of different foods and she chooses how much and what she eats from those choices. From what I can see, children are hard wired to make healthy choices, when those choices are available to them. Her favorite foods: grapes, yogurt, and bread. Bread?, you say. Yes, the right breads are healthy and positive choices. We DO NOT give her white bread. She started on whole wheat and this week is eating Flax bread. She loves it. Which brings me to my next point.

Children are much more adventurous with food than we are led to believe. DD will try pretty much anything we offer her. She definitely has her preferences and there have been foods that she took one bite of and said no more. But she is always willing to try and I am always willing to let her.

Don't get me wrong. She has "treats". Wendy's frosties are a favorite with her. She love crackers and ice cream. But these are treats. We don't use them as rewards for eating her veggies. She eats her veggies because she is hungry and they taste good to her. Treats are for no reason other than we feel like offering. Sometimes she gobbles them up. Other times she takes a bite and then returns to her grapes. What could be healthier than listening to your body?

FRUIT=SWEET

I can remember a time that this statement was true for me. Before I could devour a liter of ice cream without feeling sick to my stomach. Before I required 3 family sized chocolate bars to satisfy my sweet tooth. It was only a little more than 2 years ago that I frequently craved fruit. In fact, throughout the first trimester of my pregnancy, it was the only food guaranteed not to make me feel horrible. Then refined sugar slowly began taking hold of my diet. The more refined sugar I ate, the less sweet fruit tasted to me. Until I got to a point where if I ate 2 pieces of fruit in a week, I was doing well.

I truly missed the sweet juicy flavor of different fruits when I wasn't eating them. I just didn't seem to enjoy them as much with refined sugar making my palate cloudy. The longer I go without refined sugar snacks, the sweeter fruit tastes. Now I can see the possibility of fruit once again playing a large role in my diet. And I look forward to it.

WEEKEND AWAY

I spent the past weekend with my inlaws out of town for a wedding. I felt pretty confident about my ability to keep my eating in check. I was pretty good. I may not have made all the best choices but I definitely made better choices. For example, at the dinner I had dessert and cake but didn't touch the potatoes or dark meat. At the rehearsal dinner, I had a BBQd chicken breast and two small servings of salad (potato and broccoli) and then indulged in sweets for dessert. I took an hour long walk on Friday morning but had beer at the dance. Overall i was happy with my choices for the weekend so I was a little disappointed to find the scale back to my starting weight.

I'm not letting myself give up. I'm back on track today with healthy eating choices and went to the gym before anything else this morning. I want to be below my weigh-in weight from last Thursday by this Thursday.

OFFICIAL THURSDAY WEIGH IN

I am an everyday weigher. Actually I am a several times a day weigher. But I always choose one day a week as my "Official" day. Since I have joined the naked dieters over at Clubmom and was originally inspired to do this by the amazing shrinking mom (see post below) I will use their/her weigh in day of Thursday.

This morning I weighed in at 187.4. Down 3.2 pounds from Saturday. Woohoo. I am excited but reserved. Several times over the last couple of months I was down to 187 and never seemed to fall below this. But I am staying the course and feeling somewhat confident that this could be the time it sticks.

ON TRACK???

I have had a mixture of feelings toward this venture over the last 24 hours. Last night my mother and I went for a walk after dinner (keeping up with my daily exercise) and she had planned on getting us ice cream. I told her no thanks without even pausing but that she was more than willing to have one herself. It really was a no brainer for me. Like I told her, having ice cream now is not worth growing out of my jeans. When I got home I had my "treat" of sugar free pudding doled out in a small dish so I could control my serving size.

This morning I weighed myself and the scale has not moved in a few days. So I found myself thinking those old thoughts of "Why bother?". Then the sensible me slapped me around a few times until I remembered that it has only been 4 days and I've lost 3 pounds. DUH!! An hour later, I'm sure my jeans were not quite as snug when I pulled them on.

Tomorrow I head out of town for 3 days for a wedding. I am planning on bringing along some healthy snacks to keep in the cottage. Going to eat what I can at the dinner and indulge in 1 slice of wedding cake OR dessert. Depends on what the dessert is LOL. SIL will be staying with us and she is working at losing weight as well. I plan on recruiting her for some exercise Friday morning and possibly Saturday morning as well.

WHY I HATE BMI...

Two years ago I weighed between 157 and 160 pounds. I wore a size 10-12. I was eating healthy (avg 1500 cals per day) and exercising regularly. I was satisfied with my weight and body. I truly believe if I had lost any more weight, I would have started to look sick. According to BMI, I was severely overweight. According to BMI I should weigh in at 130 (for a high weight). I don't think I have weighed 130 since I was in the 6th grade, before I developed womanly curves. And I don't think it is even possible for me to reach this weight without starving myself.

That is why I hate BMI.

DAY 3

Today is day 3 of being sugar free. It's both harder and easier than I thought it would be.

For the last couple of months I have been trying to cut back slowly, still allowing myself treats "in moderation" HA!! What a joke. So I thought for sure that cutting it out all at once would be so hard. But it hasn't. I'm hungry all the time but also seem to be eating all the time. When I'm hungry I eat but make sure to choose a low GI food. At the same time I'm not having a lot of cravings.

I believe it has to do with mindset. When I was allowed having some, I would have one or a little and then next thing you know I wanted more and more and more. Now I just think "Nope, I'm not eating that anymore". No point in even being tempted.

I will admit that I had a headache all day yesterday and have one (although less severe) today. Even that doesn't really bother me or push me off course. I was eating an insane amount of sugar and I know when my body adjusts the headaches will disappear. Same thing when I cut caffeine out or when I did the low-carb thing.

For those interested here is what I ate yesterday:

1 cup Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal
1/2 cup skim milk
1 cup sugar free pudding
canteloupe
2 scrambled eggs
1 apple
1 cup whole wheat pasta
1 cup broccoli cooked in diced tomatos
1 cup sugar free pudding
a bunch of Triscuits (every time I was hungry I grabbed a couple)

As of this morning I was down 3 pounds. And thrilled. And motivated to continue this new lifestyle. I even purchased one of the books "Living the GI Diet" yesterday and can't wait to try out some of the recipes.

How about you? What are your goals, inspirations, struggles?

The Universe Conspires Against Me

Well probably not. But today it really felt that way. I woke up raring to go for the first day of my new lifestyle. I had a plan for meals and snacks. And today would be the start of my exercise streak.

I had my kashi for breakfast and a handful of almonds. Just before leaving for work, my father showed up with muffins and capucino. But I just headed off with my water. A sales rep came into work bearing....yep, muffins again. LOL. The rain stopped at lunch so my plans for the gym were pushed aside to spend the afternoon with DH and DD. I would walk after dinner. Around 4:30 it began to rain again. UGH. But out I went and walked for 45 minutes. Arrived home wet but satisfied.

I feel good that I faced the easy way out over and over today but chose the healthier way.

THINGS I HATE AND THE TRUTH IN NUMBERS

*****topics shamelessly stolen from Mel over at http://shrinkingmom.clubmom.com*******

Ten things I hate about being fat:

1. Sweating
2. Back pain
3. Clothes shopping
4. Lack of sex drive
5. Sweating
6. Having nothing to wear to special events
7. Never feeling satisfied after eating
8. Sweating
9. muffin top
10. Swimsuits

So I've joined the diet naked team over at Club Mom. The whole theory behind this is to let everyone know about the changes you are making in your life. That way there is someone going to notice if you fall off the wagon. For me, the blog is part of this. But I've also told my husband about my plan. I will tell my mother about my plan when I see her on Tuesday. And I've added this blog address to my signature on all the chat boards I frequent. Another important part of dieting naked is getting the truth out there. So here is my truth in numbers.

Current weight : 190.6
Highest weight (when pregnant): 204
Highest weight (not pregnant): 191
Goal weigh: 160

I bought "Living the GI Diet" today and haven't had any sugar or white flour today. My one exception food will be Saturday night pizza. Every Saturday night we have a frozen pizza. Tonight's edition is whole wheat thin crust chicken, spinach and something else by Delissio.

So I'm fairly new to the whole blogging thing. And I'm even newer to the idea of actually following blogs. But through my scrapbooking I've discovered numerous blogs that I enjoy reading even when they are totally unrelated to scrapbooking (comes from my curious nature). And then I discovered bloglines. A way to check all your blogs through one site, thereby eliminating the need for a favorites bar. So I added all my regulars and then hunted throught their most popular blogs and signed up for a few of those. One of the blogs I read regularly and truly enjoy is Actual Unretouched Photo. She mentioned in a post today that she also has a weight loss blog. I checked it out. And proceeded to begin reading from post one, writtin in April 2006. Yep, 2006. I am now nearly at October 2006.

This post inspired me to post.

http://shrinkingmom.clubmom.com/amazing_shrinking_mom/2006/09/true_confession.html

While all her posts really hit home with me, this one seemed to stand out more than others. Perhaps because I find myself falling into old habits. All morning I tried to find a way to justify "cheating". I could come up with a dozen different reasons. But I didn't until after lunch. On the way back to work I popped into the cornerstore and picked up a KitKat Chunky Max. My favorite. And then proceeded to justify having another later in the afternoon. DUH!!!! That is how I got here in the first place. Thank you amazing shrinking woman for reminding me of this in one of your many wonderful posts. When I got to this post, I started wondering "Why do I self-sabotage?" For there is no other way to describe it. Noone else buys me junk or pressures me to eat junk. Every time I eat chocolate or chips or ice cream or a burger, it is 100% my decision. I want to make the hop. I am ready to make the hop. I need to make the hop.

This morning I was ready to blog about my frustration. After all, I am not looking for major pounds lost. I am making small changes, I am looking for small losses. But I am getting nothing. But if I really sit and look at things, I am not really making changes that impact anything. I am just shifting things around. Time to stop shifting and make the hop.

OFF AND ON THE WAGON

After doing so well it's a little disappointing to admit to the world that I not only fell off the wagon, I dove off the wagon. Monday night was a rough one. DD was up from 3 to 5 which meant I was up from 3 to 5. Which meant that I was exhausted heading to work in the morning. I NEEDED a caffeine boost so I had a diet pepsi. Which I was totally okay with. Once in a while is not the end of the world. But yesterday was a prime example of the fact that I am not ready to only do once in a while. After a rough bedtime routine with DD I ran to the grocery store for some necessities and caved to a chocolate bar and soda.

Woke up resolved to be back on track. I couldn't believe how strong the soda cravings were after just 2. But I held strong and stayed away. The office chocolate bars apparently have a stronger hold over me. I had 2. UGH! I am facing my errors and starting fresh now. Not tomorrow or Monday or the start of the month. Now, at 3:42 pm. I resolve to only have one slice of pizza at dinner and to hit the gym tonight for my Wednesday workout.

This has got to get easier, right?

WORK TEMPTATION

So late last week I decided that the no soda thing was going so well that I would add another challenge. No more store bought treats. No stopping at the corner store on the way back from lunch and picking up a jumbo size chocolate bar. No running across the street to the pharmacy on my afternoon break to buy a bag of chips and no running to the grocery store after dinner for some ice cream. Really, really hard. A habit that I truly enjoy. I just do not enjoy the results of this habit. So to continue with my journey of making positive changes in my life, I decided to cut it out altogether. At least until I can get it under control and not NEED to do it everyday. Was doing good and feeling good. Worked through a couple of tough days. Bad news type days. Not devastating, mind you. Just bad enough that my thoughts immediately went to buying a treat. But I didn't. And what happens today at work? One of those guys with the boxes of chocolate bars that sit on counters. That's what happened!! And to top it off, the box holds not only 1 but 2 of my absolute favorite chocolate choices. Argh!!! I guess if I can hold out against that I'll be rockin.


Help. me. please.

GOALS

It appears that the majority of goals I have been verbalizing have focused on actions which is really great. But it also implies that I am not thinking of weight loss which couldn't be farther from the truth. So I've decided to lay out my short term goals. I'll admit some of my goals seem to be pretty weird.

1. Lose 5 pounds
2. Be able to put on my jeans comfortably fresh from the wash
3. Be able to wear a couple of summer skirts and shorts that fit me last summer.

So there. It's in writing. No backing out now.

I WANT TO BE A DOER!!!!

I've always been of the opinion that if you are not going to do anything about it, don't complain about it. So I've worked very hard to not obsess out loud about my weight. Along with this, I've always believed that if you want something, you don't just talk about it, you do something about it. But for some time now I've been a talker instead of a doer.

You see, I've always dreamed of running a marathon and becoming an Ironman. Lofty goals for someone who always hated being active as a kid and to be honest most of her adulthood. But at one time I was working towards those goals. I trained with the triathlon club in University, completed a sprint triathlon and a biathlon. Money got tight and I quit the club and my workouts.

After I delivered Ella last year I decided to give running another shot. I found the Couch to 5K program on cool running and started it right after my wedding (8 weeks postpartum). By the end of the summer I was running 5K three times a week and enjoying it. In October I ran the Race for the Cure. And I enjoyed it. Me, who even when training with the triathlon club hated the running workouts, was enjoying running. I even committed to running a marathon with my sister. I don't know what happened then. Winter, we moved, I got lazy. Who knows but i fell out of my running workouts and when I tried to get back into them it was hard and not really fun anymore.

Yesterday I watched ms Fitness and coverage of the Hawaii Ironman and I realized that finishing a marathon and becoming an Ironman are still dreams I have. And they are still dreams that I can attain. I don't want to wait until disease threatens my mobility or age makes it increasingly unlikely for me to reach them. I want to start now. So I went back to coolrunning.com and picked the week of training that fit where I am now. Today I started training again. In October, I will run the Race for the Cure again. And in October 2008 I will run the Charlottetown marathon. Well, I might walk a lot of it. But I will cross the finish line as a marathoner.

INSIDIOUS IMPACT

It never ceases to amaze me how deep the impact of being dissatisfied with your body goes. I have been unhappy with my weight for at least 6 months now. I have also been unhappy with mos everything else in my life. I've been feeling like I'm in a rut and will never get out of it.

I have my apartment. I have no desire to be intimate with my husband (why would he want to anyway). Little things get under my skin. But what really brought it home to me was that I have a potential career opportunity coming up. It is everything I have worked towards for the last 3 years. But I cannot get excited for it because it means buying a whole new wardrobe. I dread spending hours in dressing rooms trying to find something that fits and flatters. That my feelings toward my body could turn something so positive into something negative was a real eyeopener to me.


On a positive note, I am still Pepsi free. I fell out of the 12 - 5 restriction on snacking but stuck to not eating after 8. For next week, I want to get some more exercise in.

Disappointing results

Day 3 of my small goals is over and successful. YAY ME!!!!!! So I'm making positive choices and hoping for some small glimmer of a result. Instead the scale goes up 3 pounds. ARGH!!!! While I know the reason is that I was dehydrated and now that I'm drinking lots of water I'm hydrated again, it's still frustrating as all get out.

I'm refusing to get discouraged. Staying strong and thinking towards what other goals I might be setting.

DAY 2

Today was day 2 of no soda and my snacking restriction. The headache was gone but the cravings were full force and way worse than yesterday. The snacking wasn't bad. More about resisting habit than anything.

I added a new goal. No eating at all after 8pm. I'm rarely hungry but always seem to be eating out of boredom. Hopefully small changes will add up.